How to improve your communication skills

Communication! It’s all about communication! For me anyway. As long as we are transparent and communicate what we actually want, why we cannot do things, why something is delayed or what went well or wrong, it should be fine, right? Well, it is not that easy…

Even though we are speaking to each other, even maybe even the same language, there is always space for misinterpretation. So here are some things that can help you to improve your communication.

Language

Always keep in mind that your conversation partner might not have the same mother tongue as you have, so some behaviour and phrases can be misunderstood or not understood at all.

Communication cycle

• You  must understand the communication cycle.
• Person 1 says something
• Person 2 listens and takes it in
• Person 2 interprets what Person 1 said
• Person 2 gives a response
• Person 1 listens and takes it in
• Person 1 interprets what Person 2 said
• Etc.

Whatever you say will be received differently by different people in different situations. It is just the way it is. If the person had a bad day, one might take things worse than on other happy days. This is also the case for you.

Tone of voice

How something is understood or received is really dependent on the tone of voice that is used. It is hard to ‘hear’ it in emails or text messages. Maybe this is why emojis were invented. It helps to underline your tone of voice to avoid misunderstandings. Be careful how  you speak.

Body language

Apart from the actual language we speak, we also have non verbal communication going on.

Picking up on other people’s body language as well as your own is important. To build rapport you can match or mirror the body language of the person that you want to build rapport with. Their brain will subconsciously pick up on your body language and feel more at ease.

MATCHING BODY LANGUAGE

This means that you will match what the other person is doing, i.e. the person is crossing arms, you cross your legs. This is a more subtle way than mirroring.

MIRRORING BODY LANGUAGE

When mirroring someone’s body language, you do exactly what that person is doing, i.e. the other person is crossing their legs, you cross your legs. With this one, you need to be mindful not to overdo it.

Words

Even though you might speak to a person in the same language, i.e. English, it might not be clear to that person what you are saying. Did you ever have to brief someone on a task and you thought you were as clear as you could be but the outcome was totally different to what you expected? This is because you have actually used a different language. Every person has a ‘preferred system’. They are ‘visual’ (see), ‘auditory’ (hear), ‘olfactory’ (smell), ‘gustatory’ (taste) or ‘kinaesthetic’ (feel) oriented. Some might be a mixture of two.

Try to find out what your preferred system is. This will help you to improve your communication by including all ‘preferred systems’.

VISUAL

These people might use visual words like ‘highlight’, ‘I see what you mean’, ‘It’s clear to me’

AUDITORY

Here are some expressions that auditory people might use: ‘That rings a bell’, ‘talking’, ‘I hear what you are saying’.

GUSTATORY/OLFACTORY

People that have a gustatory or olfactory ‘system’ might use things like ’flavourful’, ‘Tough to swallow’, ‘mouth watering’.

KINAESTHETIC

Kinaesthetic people like hugs and are ‘touchy/feely’ and use words like: ‘feeling’, ‘excited’, ‘get a feel for it’.

Additional resources

Book: The Public Speaking Formula – 6 straps that will make you a more confident presenter